All aboooard the Hot Mess Express!

Thursday 8.18.16

Dear Owen,
So many tears have fallen and so many smiles have shined through in honor of celebrating this day for you. It’s your first day of Kindergarten, my boy. My eyes are red and puffy and my feelings are overpowering my exhaustion for right now. I didn’t get much sleep last night and have been up since 4am this morning. I didn’t want to go to sleep or get out of bed because I knew that today was the day. And I wanted to hold that moment in just a little bit longer if I could. It’s the day that you are officially my ‘big boy.’ Well, to prove to everyone else you are. You’re not a baby anymore, as much as I still want to explain to you though, how you always (forever and ever) will be…

Nana came to spend the night with us, but specifically to be with me on your first day. You know, to take my mind off of things. We had coffee talk, walked around the house talking about projects I wanted to do. We planned to do some shopping, you know, retail therapy. That usually works, right? We tried to FaceTime whatever family members were available to laugh a little bit. Well, to joke about how I was still surviving. And I thought I was holding up so well until someone would ask how I was doing, and then it felt like a slap in the face. Back to reality. I know you’re going to make it through, just like me. But being without you (all day) just feels weird. I feel just feel out of my element. This will definitely take some getting used to…

I’m so thankful and can’t feel blessed enough on how happy you’ve made me during these first 6 years of your life. The last 6 years of mine have been filled with complete joy being able to be your mom and watching you grow and achieve and learn and love. It has been the one thing I’ve wanted more than anything in life. I was born for this. I was born for you. All of those memories and this moment right here. Of course I knew this day was coming. But I still can’t believe it’s time. I’ve been having constant flashbacks that have swept through my mind of all the milestones since the day you were born. From the room we were in and your birth story at the hospital, rocking you in your nursery, holding you longer than I needed to just because I didn’t want to put you down, getting you out of your crib at night just to hold you for a couple more minutes, watching you learn to crawl up the stairs, your first steps that were taken at Nana’s house, your whispy long, curly hair before I finally gave in to finally cut it. Your first noises of words you were trying to say that we would make you repeat because it was the cutest sound ever. The songs we needed to sing to make you happy or to watch you get a good giggle out of us, those sleepless nights of trying to get you to sleep in your bed but all you wanted to do is lay with me in mine. And I allowed it because I knew you were only going to be this way for so long and I was truly going to miss it. Potty training, oh, those fun times. Watching the changes in your face going from a baby to a toddler and then to a big boy. I still look at you and wonder how you’ve changed since last week.

I’m leaving this short and sweet, as I could go on and on forever. But your journal is filled with all the joy I’ve written over time and I can’t wait to sit down with you someday when you understand and appreciate it more and remember back to all of these times all over again. I’ve taught you everything that I’ve known and will continue to through your life, of course. But you’ve taught me so much more in the same amount of time and I can’t thank you enough for that.

I love you so much, but especially today.

Spread your wings and fly my boy, now it’s your time to shine.
And I just know you will do amazingly great things and help so many people along the way, just as you have helped me.

Love, Your Mama