The first week is sluggishly passing by. Just being honest, it’s going reallyyyy slow, a little too slow for my liking. And while that is fine with me, it’s still a bit torturous, but it’s almost done. And yes, it’s taken me this long to actually just sit at my desk and write this without needing to stop and feel sad. I still cry at some point every day, and although I know it will go away at some point, just label me as ‘that mom.’ I don’t care. I’ve written in my journal every day, some multiple times a day, so I can remember everything that I’ve felt and everything that has happened. So after we celebrated us both getting through that first day together, I think celebrating getting through the first week will feel more like a victory.

Kindergarten roundup : Tuesday 8.16.16.
Yes, that “K” word. It’s here. It’s time. My boy starts Kindergarten in TWO days. Uggggh.
How am I feeling today you ask? Every emotion in the flippin’ book. I’m sad, anxious, excited for him but I feel like a piece of my heart is leaving me. I’m hopeful. I’m extremely thankful that we chose to keep him back one more year before starting. Everyone’s opinions made either a positive or negative impact but it’s true when they say ‘mom knows best.’ No one knows your child like you do. And seeing now how much he has succeeded, grown and accomplished in that year before sending him off has made it that much more easier to feel confident for him going this year. He’s ready, I’m ready… My heart just isn’t ready. But when will it ever be?

But I’m nervous. I’m scared.
Have I done enough for him as a parent? Did I give it my all? Did I teach him enough, help him enough? Did I try hard enough? Did I miss something or could I have done something better? I’m scared of the silence. The waiting. The days passing. Never in a million years did I picture only having one babe and this routine. I crave having another one so bad with a daily routine I can go back home to while this new one forms with him gone. A lot of these mamas I see around have another baby on their hip, or in a carrier or chasing another around as they drop off their child and go back home. I don’t have that. (Can I come to your house?) And yes, I’m blessed to make my own schedule as a business owner, however, I also don’t want to overbook myself because then I will have more to catch up on later.

The paper that came in the mail said Kindergarten Roundup went from 5-7pm. We went right at 5pm so we could get in and get out before the tears and the anxiety could show up. I had to take him alone, which made it even better, you know. I mean, I’m an adult right? I got this… Psh! As we walked in his classroom door my heart sank to the floor. I immediately made eye contact with his teacher who briefly greeted us with her warm smile, introducing herself and saying hello to Owen. I couldn’t help but notice her funky and fun sense of style and her voice, which sounded incredibly soft and patient. I couldn’t help but love her already. But it was short and sweet and she was busy guiding other parents as well, so I kept my hand on the top of Owen’s shoulder and we kept walking to look for his desk. He was excited to unload his backpack and put all his school supplies in the labeled bins she had lined up on one side of the room. And I was holding back the tears through the hard gulps in my throat from the {heartwarming and ‘I’m going to make this broken hearted mama cry more’} notes the teacher had left on his desk. We followed some other directions that the teacher had given and I couldn’t help but to just look around and admire the room. This is a big kid class. And as much as it’s like his preschool was, it’s not. It’s bigger, more structured, with individual desks instead of tables. They have their own bathroom. I mean, that part was pretty cool to me. Except, the toilet was VERY low to the floor and my 82 pound boy and I looked at each other and giggled a minute as the toilet came to his ankles haha. I went around the room soon after, while he sat in his desk with some goodies and picked up some papers and did ‘parent things.’ Oh, and I signed up to bring treats during their Valentine’s Day party at a sign-up table in the room. Hopefully I get a note or something to remember that one, because we all know that’s the last thing I’m thinking about right now. Get it together, Shelby.

Anxiety called, they are on their way. And between the heat coming in from outside and the amount of people standing shoulder to shoulder in that room, I was about ready to go. We got him used to his desk a little bit, got to meet a friend who would be sitting by him, took a picture they wanted of him and grabbed the last few things he needed and then walked out. Once we hit those front doors and that fresh (heated) gust of wind hit us, it felt like Heaven. We were done and going home. Together.

Phew. We made it through!

Jokes on me, that was only the beginning…

Here are those notes from his teacher that were sitting on his desk. Go ahead, you can cry too if you want. I wanted to put those apples in his keepsake bin too but…FINE.

Okay… So we made it home in one piece. It’s going to be okay, dang it. Just breathe. Go to bed and get some rest, you have another day with him tomorrow.


Wednesday 8.17.16

We had our usual dinner together and bedtime routine, except this one felt a little different. They all jumped in our bed to read a book, only their laughter and snuggles with each other on this night was just something that I’ll never forget. You know, because I’m an emotional wreck this week. School was about to start for all of them but Owen’s first day was tomorrow. They were talking about how excited they were for him and his new school, about meeting his new teacher and making new friends. They talked to him about what kinds of things he would be doing and just kept hugging him and smiling with excitement. Owen had that ‘deer in the headlights’ tired kind of look in his eyes and seemed to have no idea really what all they were talking about, haha. It was just a moment, sitting back and watching from a mama’s eyes, that will always stick in my memory. They chose to read him “David Goes to School.” Owen has it memorized from reading it all the time and I just soaked in the moment before snuggling in with all of them.

Wish me luck tomorrow, yikes.