I am a very deep, emotional person. Writing it all out has become ‘my thang’ vs. doing all of those live videos, probably because I haven’t been trained yet to contain my shhtuff. Every time I have tried to make a video for you guys (so far) I’ve had to stop and redo, you know, because blotchy red face and ugly cry. Yeah, I consider myself the ‘deep, emotional type.’ This is just how I was created to be and at this point in my life, I’m okay with it. I know not everyone is a writer to get where I come from when writing in this darn blog, or if you even enjoy reading things like this, but thank you all for being here with me!
Some mornings I wake up with this extremely strong urge, ready to teach others, feeling motivated in my purpose, filled with hope and drive. Then there are other days when I open my eyes and cringe them tight to only try to go back to sleep so that I don’t have to wake up for the day. Because reality is, it hurts some days. Most days. But no matter the kind of day that I’m having, the passion never changes. Never. That is what keeps me here, that is always what keeps me going. And thank you for never giving up on me.
I wish there was more time in the day. Of course, to get things done in general… But seriously, just extra time to spend with you.
I’m so thankful for all of the people who have crossed my path. There is an electrifying initiative to move, no, pushforward. To reassure the same feeling that is in my gut, to never, ever give up. And I can say in all the years of fighting for my son to receive a correct diagnosis, I’m proud of myself for always persisting, no matter what anyone else had said. As much as I already knew I never wanted to let him down, I’ve never let myself down once, and I’m pretty darn grateful to be able to say that.
If you are in the same boat, this frustrating, gut-wrenching, bottomless boat… the one where you feel like you are slowly drowning… I want you to know that I am here. You are not alone and I want to help you get your life back!
No, seriously. Here I am, my hand is in front of your face just waiting for you to grab on so that I can help to pull you out of those deep and scary waters. I know exactly how you feel. Sad, angry, frustrated, confused, angry, exhausted, devastated, angry… all of the things. And it’s okay to feel these things. But you don’t belong there. You don’t have to stay there.
There has been a life changing obstacle thrown in our path that we didn’t think that we would be able to overcome. But we are. Every day we are. And besides what is happening within the walls of our home, there are more incredible stories that all deserve to be heard and shared. And all of them are educational and give absolute hope to other families who need to hear it most in their hardest times.
Don’t you get it?
Don’t you know that your story matters? That your story could help others survive?
Like, truly… survive.
Do you know how much money I probably would have paid to meet the right person earlier in Owen’s life, to receive this diagnosis then, just so that I would have been able to enjoy life itself a little more instead of using that time to travel to all of those frustrating trips from one Dr. to another?
I imagine it to be a lot. A whooooole heck of a lot.
But now that I finally have my answer, I am choosing to look forward.
I am choosing to live with only the positive, with only the right people. Life is too short to waste time on the people and the things that don’t make an important and positive impact on your life, amiright? If you haven’t gotten bored out of your mind and you are still reading this, I know that you probably know exactly what I’m talking about. And I also believe that you are here for a reason. Whether this is you, or someone you think of right away to be able to share this with, you are here for a reason. You are my reason. And together we can make a difference.
You are a warrior.
We are women warriors.
Whether it’s an illness or an exquisite self-transformation, you are a warrior. We are women warriors. Whether you are a survivor or are fighting against something that is trying to take your life, you are a warrior. We are women warriors. Maybe you are like me and are sacrificing your life to fight for someone else, a (mama) advocate for someone who relies on you to tell their story, to be their guiding light… you are a warrior. We are women warriors.
Through all of these things, they are different right? But if you think about the process of what we all go through, they are the same. We are the same. We all go through the same kind of stages in our journeys, per say. Searching for answers, the persistence, the courage, the grief, the recovery, the prayers, the healing, etc. There is always hope, even in the darkest moments. And we are always thinking we are alone, right?
There is a moment when you are at ‘rock bottom’ of your journey (sometimes we hit it a couple of times) or even when you are deep into the midst of all that is happening, you need to know that we are there. In that deep and dark and lonely hole, the place where we aren’t even able to notice, but you truly do have a tribe, who will in an instant, reach for your hand, to grab onto your strength when you feel like you don’t have any left and lift you out of that hole. To wrap their arms around you and wipe away your tears. And not to just be able to relate to one another, but to actually allow you to believe, face to face, that yes, you can get through this. Someone else can relate to this, they get it… We are right here with you, you are not alone.
You are a warrior.
We are women warriors.
You have a choice in life, my friend. To either work through it or give up.
You can keep looking back or move forward. Here’s the thing, neither of these choices will be easy. Contentment and joy comes from a place from within, and if you choose to give up, you may eventually be really miserable life. This will not be easy. But this would be a choice. I don’t want you to get there and I know that you don’t want to be there either. And the best part is, if you feel like you are already in that ‘place’… it’s not too late! It’s never too late. This would be your choice of moving forward. And you have so many people right here by your side, rooting you on and encouraging you to keep going, to comfort you and reassure you that you are not alone. And you never will be.
If there are things that you can’t change, then don’t worry about it.
I know, I know. It’s easier said than done, believe me! But honestly, it will stop you from living, from growing, from sharing hope and sharing your story. From helping someone else survive. So many people need you. So many. I need you.
I would be lying if I said that my mind didn’t wander and I didn’t go to that dark place… Depression. Death. It happens. It’s okay to feel this way once in a while, but just remember not to stay in that place. You can pull yourself out of it each and every time. I know you can!
You are fighting for your life. Or if you are like me, you are fighting for someone else’s life. Someone who cannot speak for themselves or share their story with others. You find your inner strength at a certain point, the kind that you didn’t even know you had until you get deep down in that hole. And you make that leap forward. You just get to a point once you choose to move forward and you jump right in. Not only is our child’s life the most important thing to us, but so is our own mental health. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else at your best, right? If you can relate to what I’m trying to explain to you, this feeling… this feeling becomes a new passion. You find a new way to find true joy and happiness and the routines, feelings and other things that will just become the new normal for you.
There will be some days when you will find only one tiny thing that will only get you through a single day, or maybe even get one thing done at all, and guess what? That’s okay. You will have days when all you want to do is sleep, or cry. That’s okay. There will be days when all you want to do is eat or the opposite, ‘run it off’ (if you’re like me, I don’t do both in the same day hahaha. Actually, to be honest, I really don’t run. So…) That’s okay. People told me this, I found this out for myself and now I’m telling you… It’s truly okay.
Here is the thing, my friend, when you find your fire, you’ll know. I’m talking about the fire that will be your drive to keep going. The kind to assure you that you are on the right path and the light is starting to shine again. It will sizzle and burn and you won’t want to do anything else but to enjoy the gorgeous light that it puts off. You won’t want to put it out. You can’t.
So, for me, this isn’t just my life, it’s my boy’s life. My baby. I’m an advocating warrior for him. But you know what? I’m living through it, our family is living through it every single day. Of course I’m concerned about their lives and well being as well.
I don’t have a choice in my heart other than to do this.
I have to take care of myself first to be able to take care of them. And that is why I need you. You are my tribe. You are my support system, you are my people that ‘get it.’
We have to find the power through the pain.
Fight through your pain and shine your light, share your power with me. With us.
Come and find your people and be with your tribe. If you have been looking for someone, for guidance or direction, than this is your sign. And I know your first reaction is to be embarrassed or feel ashamed or scared or nervous… But you know what else?
SOMEONE ELSE NEEDS YOU.
I cry inside when I know someone else’s dreams are coming true, watching them start to believe in themselves (again) and realize that they have a purpose. If I can instill any kind of every inch of whatever I can possibly give for you to realize this… then I’m fulfilling my dream.
So remember, you have a choice in life, my friend, to either work through it or give up.
I hope that you will choose to work through it with me.
This connection, this opportunity.
This is your guiding light. This is your sign.
Come and be with us.
We need you there, you need to be there.